Some people have some really bad habits don’t they? Some people talk too much for instance. But I find that if I keep talking all the time instead, then they don’t get the chance to start which I’m sure they appreciate. My ex said it was always the little things about me she didn’t like. So we just never had sex. Well sometimes I'd sneak it in, luckily she didn't notice. People have some funny attitudes to sex as well I find. All I wanted to do was introduce into the relationship a duck or perhaps a goose (in fact any fowl animal – I’m pretty flexible) but oh no, she wasn’t having any of that. She said it would be bestial if we did – yeah, I replied, it would be bestial for everyone involved (especially me!), but still no. Oh well.

 

I knew this guy who was always waving his hands about when in conversation. I hate people who always talk with their hands. So what if he was deaf and using sign language, there’s no excuse for it. I must admit, I’ve got this habit of turning the toilet roll around – even if it’s facing the way I want it to in the first place. I have this routine when I clean my teeth as well. I always get the toothbrush out of its holder and then I put toothpaste on the brush before I start cleaning my teeth. I can’t help it. And it helps my teeth not to rot like they did before I started using the toothpaste.

 

Men have a habit of fiddling about with their, erm how do I put it…reproductive cock and balls from time to time. What women don’t understand is that it gets quite complicated down there sometimes. It’s a bit like a sliding block puzzle and correction is frequently required. Plus it gives men a good excuse to have a good rummage and to make sure it’s all still there and in good working order, only one previous lady owner, big end in good condition, urgently needs servicing etc.

 

Obviously my habits aren’t bad; it’s everybody else’s that are annoying. I think if you concentrate enough you can break any bad habit. If anybody ever tells me about any bad habits they have, I immediately respond by telling them to find the will power to stop themselves from doing it. They hate me for saying it, but I just can’t help myself – I’ve got so used to saying it and I don’t think I’d ever be able to stop now.