Did you used to be famous? Did you do the Eastenders to The Bill to Casualty circuit before finally sinking without trace? Did you leave Coronation Street with your head up your arse thinking you were destined for great things before heading off to America and then quickly finding yourself up shit street? Sick of starring in panto with Leslie Grantham? Then we need you to star in one of our celebrity reality shows so that we can make loads of money out of TV viewers and you can relive the glory days – or glory day to be precise. Obviously the big names aren’t interested in making a complete fool of themselves on telly, so we need people desperate for fame like you to make up the numbers! Don’t take our word on it (or anything for that matter), instead listen to some of our satisfied customers:

 

“Thank you for the opportunity to get my annoying face and even more annoying voice back on the telly. I’d forgotten what it was like to be famous. And now I’m forgetting it all over again. Cheers.” – Joe Pasquale

 

“I was beginning to think my career was as dead and buried as some of the people who attend my drug fuelled parties before I entered the Big Brother house. At least now I know it is. Thanks for everything.” – Michael Barrymore

 

“God knows how someone as thick as I am can make a stack of cash just because I appeared on a reality TV show. But I figured if I go back on again, I’ll make even more money. I think it actually went really well.” – Jade Goody

 

“I am so glad I appeared on your programme. I have now found love for the 1,378th time. I am so happy. Cerys and I are planning to get married soon and I’ve already lined up a deal with 3 national newspapers to sell my story when we get divorced 6 months later!!” – Marc Bannerman