Firstly, I should apologise for my long absence, but what with my busy schedule of constantly alternating between the states of couldn’t be botheredness and can’t be arsedness, I have been unable to fulfil my blog duties. In order to make up for it I've increased the size of the text in this entry to make it look like I've written loads. But what the hell, I’m here now and coincidentally so are you as you’re reading this aren’t you. Now wasn’t that a rhetorical question. And so was that. I was also going to be involved in Sport Relief until I realised my body would have to suffer some physical exertion. To me, Sport Relief is the relief you get from not doing any sport. I had to chuck out some bacon earlier. Not because it was out of date, but it specifically said on the packet to display until the 25th March and unfortunately I’ve had it hidden away in the fridge instead.
I’ve often wondered why there are signs outside shops saying Guide Dogs Only. The blind can’t read them. Maybe they should be in Braille and a sign to the side of it should say “Have a good feel of the adjacent Braille sign to find out if your dog is allowed in.” That would work. My friend was blind and he hated the prejudice he used to suffer because of it. He used to say everyone treated him differently and that there was as much chance of finding someone who treated him normally as finding a heterosexual male flight attendant. I think we should all take a leaf out of his book and that’s because he owned a book of pressed flowers. He’s dead now, as is probably the heterosexual male flight attendant (or male hairdresser if you’re stuck) but if he was alive today he’d be spinning in his grave.
Talking of shops, aren’t kids getting huge these days? They are so big that signs are put up in shop windows to ensure only 2 children are allowed in at any one time presumably because nobody else will be able to fit in the shop otherwise. It makes sense for only 2 children to be allowed in a shop at once as otherwise they can’t all get at the booze they are going to get. I think booze should be displayed close to the entrance to the shop because that way I don’t get barged by kids running out of the shop laden with White Lightning when they don’t particularly want to pay for it on that occasion. I’d rather be at DFS for their one day sale that lasts until December.
I hate people who stereotype others, especially the French because I know someone French who also comes from France as if to prove the point and he does it so I reckon they all do. He stereotypes everyone and I am totally against it. I’ve not seen him for a while and I can’t even remember his name, but it’s probably Pierre or something. He was so negative that if I asked him to think of a number he’d always pick a number less than zero. Mind you, any faith I may have had in man soon evaporates after an episode of Golden Balls.