Aren’t people in Iraq miserable buggers? The suicide rate is ridiculously high. And just because they are feeling suicidal, why do they have to strap bombs to themselves and take out a load of other people as well? It’s just not politically correct is it? Now I’ve never committed suicide myself to my knowledge, but a lot of people try to do it apparently as a cry for help. Surely it would make more sense to actually cry “Help!” instead? I’ve always found it quite easy to spot people who have suicidal tendencies. If you look closely they tend to be dangling from ceilings with a noose around their neck or they are lying in a bath with nasty cuts on their wrists. 

It is obviously the natural progression to go from Iraq directly to Viagra. It is 10 years this month since Viagra – the climax of many hours of handiwork, first exploded onto the scene, followed closely by the sheets. The makers of the drug faced stiff competition before finally getting on top. It is designed to be taken orally, Viagra that is. The church were against the idea, but most men bashed the bishops into submission. It’s funny that men take a pill to get women pregnant and women take a pill to prevent getting pregnant by men – and horses. A lot of men take Viagra before they go out on the piss. What’s wrong with the old fashioned method of putting a sock down your trousers? Yeah, it might stink a bit, but you also get the added bonus that if for some reason you happen to lose a sock whilst you’re out, you are covered. And I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve lost a sock whilst out, though I believe it is zero, or it could be even more than that given the number of single socks I have in my possession (I have 3 in each pocket). 

Dr Abraham Morgentaler, who is some doctor with a stupid name fact fans is reported as saying that many men take Viagra to “heighten their feelings of masculinity” – well quite, that is the idea I think. He doesn’t miss a trick does he? Apparently, Viagra was discovered by accident. The active drug in it was originally meant to be used to lower blood pressure. Lower blood pressure? Not in the penis it doesn’t! It has also helped to make impotence to no longer be a taboo subject, but I don’t like to talk about that really.