I’ve been absent again due to me not being here, but I do have a good excuse for a change. Well I will have once I’ve made one up and as soon as I have I will let you know. I’ve actually been rather busy working on a couple of film ideas. My first one is about a lazy prison guard living on the edge who takes no prisoners. My second one is about a gun toting clairvoyant who shoots to kill first and asks them questions later. I’m still waiting for a response other than the “bugger off you weirdo” I have received so far. Actually, without exaggeration or inaccuracy which is literally a dictionary definition of the word. Oh well, life’s a man or a woman and then you marry one.
Whilst I’m talking about men and women, I’ve now decided I’d like to buy an airport luggage handling vehicle coz I saw a few on an advert and I’m gonna buy the fastest one. Somebody told me later that that was actually an advert for chocolate and that some pretentious twats at Cadburys think it’s cool to try to produce some sort of filmic advertisement to show off, not realising that it’s actually a load of bollocks. In a desperate attempt to cheer themselves up, people reach for the nearest bar of chocy so I guess it’s doing its job. While I’m here, coz I am, I don’t know much about French, but I can state with confidence that Edith Piaf does not sing that she should’ve gone to Specsavers in French during je ne regrette rien despite what the subtitles say and therefore I think the advert is misleading (not to mention, not funny).
Whilst I’m talking about Edit Piaf again (I’ve lost count of the number of times I talk about her, but this is because I can’t remember what comes after one), I have been watching the ultra confident and excellent candidates on “The Apprentice”. The reason they are excellent is because no matter how much they cock things up, it is always someone else’s fault and they are still brilliant. I hate arrogant people. Luckily I really am brilliant, so it’s not arrogance – it’s confidence. For some reason, they seem to think that they were chosen because they are the 20 best candidates for such a position, not realising that the vast majority of them were picked out to appear on the programme for the audience’s titillation and so they can laugh as they make idiots of themselves and yet be blissfully unaware of the fact. For those not in the know, each week Alan Sugar analyses (well he can’t be bothered actually so his lackeys do it for him) the candidates before he accuses the biggest idiot of the week of being Mohammed Al Fayed.