<knock>

God: Come in.

Auditor: Hello God, you’ve been expecting me I believe?

God: Yes, that’s right, do sit down.

Auditor: Thanks… Now as you know, we’ve been wanting to speak to for a while now. For someone who is omnipresent, you’re a hard man to track down.

God: Yeah, sorry about that. I’ve been pretty busy lately.

Auditor: Well, we wanted to speak to you about a number of problems on Earth lately and possible neglect on your behalf.

God: Oh yes, what problems are these?

Auditor: Well, take the Earthquake in China and the cyclone in Burma recently for example.

God: Oh, that!

Auditor: Yes, that! All those people who died because of those tragedies. Did you really do enough to help?

God: Well, like I said I’ve been really busy lately.

Auditor: I’ve got to say God, a lot of this is your own doing. Years ago, we had a god for everything – a god for war, a god for famine, a god for love. We had our arses covered. You were the one who suggested streamlining and downsizing and said you could do all the work instead. And you said that that would stop all the religious wars. That didn’t quite work out did it?

God: I didn’t realise that people would want to hate each other no matter what the religious state of affairs was. And, anyway, I’ve had my son to look after as well. He always comes first.

Auditor: The son you let die on the cross you mean?

God: Er, well yeah.

Auditor: We wanted to talk to you about that as well. Your superiors are suggesting you should be arrested and tried for son of manslaughter. It’s been one problem after another God I’m afraid. Take the debacle over the omission of page 2 of the bible where the creation of dinosaurs is mentioned. It’s made the church look like fools trying to explain that one!

God: I’ve already apologised for that.

Auditor: It’s just not good enough God. So we’ve decided to replace you with the Big Bang theory and say that there is no God after all.

God: You don’t believe in that atheism crap do you?

Auditor: Well it’s worth a try. Some people will believe anything you tell them.

God: Who’s going to replace me then?

Auditor: Saint Stephen.

God: Oh right, well he’s not a bad bloke I guess.

Auditor: I’m glad you agree. Roll Stephen Hawking in will you.