It has been reported that South African 800m winner Caster Semenya has failed a gender test. Rumours first started that she could be a man when it was discovered that she was so muscular, even her fellow female athletes didn’t fancy her. They then continued when it was revealed that she deliberately changed her surname to provide a hint of her gender and that she was really just taking the piss – standing up, though she claimed she used a shewee. She will not be stripped of her gold medal, though she may be stripped just to see what she’s got. However, though Caster (no-one calls her “sugar”) will not be required to hand back her gold, she may be tested to see if she can hand out a pearl necklace.
I don’t know what all the fuss is about. Nobody would’ve said anything if she’d represented Thailand as it’s pretty much the law there to be of mixed gender. And let’s face it, we’ve all been confused by not knowing if someone is a woman or a man. I do it regularly after 10 pints. Or sometimes sober in the case of Lady Gaga and Elly Jackson from La Roux. Apparently, officials will not be taking the matter further for a few months – she could’ve had her cock off by then! Even if it was just for aerodynamic purposes. It must be pretty hard to fail a gender test if you’ll pardon the pun. Even if you don’t really know, you’ve got a 50/50 chance of getting it right and if you fail it, simply ask for a re-test and cunningly remember what you went for last time and go for the other one. The same as I do after my 10 pints!