Did you used to be a celebrity but you're now finding work hard to come by? Are you a little bit famous but no-one really knows why? Have most people never bloody heard of you? Are you a struggling actor being forced to portray ordinary members of the public on adverts like the Red Driving School and those for dodgy loan companies? Do you pretend to actually have bought car insurance from Confused.com on their advert? Do you have little or no morals? Are you Andi Peters or Jodie Marsh? Then we'd love to hear from you!
Here in television land we are now trying to secure work for people just like you! Us celebrity types have to look after each other. To this end we require as many hardly known at all celebrities as we can get for a whole selection of programmes we've invented on the fly by cleverly changing old programmes just so you can get work instead. Programmes like...
Celebrity Family Fortunes!
I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here!
Celebrity Wife Swap!
Celebrity Love Island!
Celebrity MasterChef!
Dancing On Ice!
Celebrity Place In The Sun!
Celebrity Scissorhands!
Celebrity Stars In Their Eyes!
Celebrity Weakest Link!
Strictly Come Dancing!
Celebrity Come Dine With Me!
Celebrity Big Brother!
Celebrity Bargain Hunt!
Celebrity Fit Club!
And sadly many, many, many, many more
Also coming soon...
Celebrity Celebrity Squares!
Celebrity Newsnight!
Celebrity Sitting Around Talking About Themselves!
Celebrity Prime Minister for a Day!
Celebrity Prime Minister for 2 Days!
Celebrity Assisted Suicide!
Celebrity Fame!
Celebrity Desperate Search for Fame!
In order to apply please call us on 0845 710292 and answer the following question which is so simple it could be included in the Celebrity Weakest Link show which deliberately has easier questions than the normal version because we do understand that celebrities are pretty thick to be honest:
I want to apply for any old celebrity programme because
A. I simply must be famous again even if it is for no reason whatsoever
B. I'm down to my last 3 homes
C. I've not had a holiday for over a fortnight
D. My ego needs inflating
E. All of the above
Calls cost £3.50 a minute and may last for over 3 hours if we can get you talking about yourself for long enough which is never normally a problem we find. Calls made after midnight will not count and even though we could just terminate the line, we won't and so you may and indeed will still be charged.